first base no1

i guess i must have been the first bloke to get into her knickers. i'd be shocked if i was told different. i mean she was only ten at the time after all.

until last month in the supermarket i'd mostly forgotten about her. then, while gazing at the seventy five different toothpaste products competing for my economic vote, her face resurfaced in the pool of my consciousness.

she completely blanked me of course. but gut feeling never doubted that it was her. the round jaw line, the slightly surprised expression couldn't have been anyone else.

what to do?

let it go. we'd hardly known each other really, even back then and i certainly hadn't laid eyes on her since. 'she's doing the weekend shopping,' i thought. 'back to hubby and the 2.4 shortly. and thats exactly as it should be. leave the past behind.'

but i couldn't. the adventure still burnt painfully bright in my memory. i had to speak to her. as she strode briskly past the pittas and the cakes and biscuits i began to follow.

'oh my god,' i thought. 'what am i doing? they might be tracking me on the cctv. if i'm wrong i'll never explain myself. they'll have me down for a stalker at best and if i have to go into the details ... oh dear.'

no matter how i wrestled with myself i couldn't stop. perhaps i was a pervert after all. maybe i was losing it. maybe i'd never seen her before and my inner demon was egging me on to commit a heinous assault deep among the croissants. i'd just have to plead diminished responsibility and hope to get off with a short stretch in a comfy nick where the cons were just the copeable side of too friendly.

i kept right on. trying to check her face without being checked back. it wasn't easy but eventually as she hove to to alongside the thirty nine types of toilet paper the decision reached itself. 'excuse me,' i said, 'are you caroline thomas?'

she went quite still. 'no,' she said.

'oh god,' i thought to myself. the shiny tiles parted as the sub-supermarket abyss threatened to engulf me, 'you plonker.'

'no that isn''t my name,' she said again as i lamely explained who i was. 'but it used to be.'

as the tiles slid back together i realised i had to move fast. the next phase was going to be a lot trickier than merely asking someone their name. i opened my mouth. 'do you remember...... ?' i said.

she held up her hand. 'i know what you're going to say,' she said. 'just don't.'


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